


Isshin x Ryuuken one-shots

by ThennaryNak



Category: Bleach
Genre: Crack, Humor, M/M, Out of Character, implied Ishida Uryuu/Kurosaki Ichigo, tsundere Ishida Ryuuken
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-01
Updated: 2019-07-10
Packaged: 2019-08-14 03:16:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 3,846
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16484969
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThennaryNak/pseuds/ThennaryNak
Summary: A collection of one-shots of the Isshin x Ryuuken pairing I wrote way back when I was really into Bleach. Basically all humorous and mostly out of character as this was my crack!ship of the fandom.The rating and tags will change as I add fics to this.





	1. The end of the world

**Author's Note:**

> I dropped off of following Bleach during the Arrancar arc so I am certain there is a lot I missed. These were mostly written around the time Ryuuken was first introduced in the manga and early in the Arrancar arc, so I know there is a major Isshin spoiler not accounted for in most of these.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Isshin has some news to break to his son.

He should have never come home. Or better yet, he should have just stayed in the Soul Society, where things at least made sense still. Just anywhere but in the one of the clinic rooms listening to his father exuberantly explain how he’s going to make the family whole again, and how Masaki would only want him to be happy.

 

But instead he had come home straight from school, and was a bit taken aback to find Isshin waiting for him inside. And when he was somberly asked to come with the elder Kurosaki, to talk about an important family matter privately, Ichigo felt a pang of fear shoot through him. So he did not put up the usual fight and quietly followed his father into one of the empty clinic rooms.

 

“I wanted to tell you about this first, before I tell the girls,” Isshin had begun once Ichigo had taken a seat on the bed. The older man went on, sounding more and more nervous with each word. “I’m really not sure how to say this, to make this easy for any of you.”

 

“It’s ok, Dad,” Ichigo said encouragingly, “I’m not a kid anymore. I can take whatever you have to tell me.”

 

Isshin gave his son a smile in appreciation before trying again. “Well do you remember when I went to that doctor’s seminar last year, son?”

 

“Yea, you left Yuzu in charge of the house, and she became a total tyrant.”

 

“That’s really not anyway to speak of your darling little sister, Ichigo,” Isshin lightly scolded before continuing, “Well while I was there, I well, I met someone. And after some careful persuasion we began dating-“

 

“Ah, so you want to tell us you’ve got yourself a girlfriend now,” Ichigo cut in, in an attempt to make this easier on them both. Though he wasn’t completely happy with the idea of his father dating, no woman should have to endure that horror, he wasn’t going to stop his dad from living his own life.

 

Isshin though just nervously chuckled. “No, not really. What I want to tell you is that I have a new wife. You see over the weekend, when I told you I was going to the hot springs, you know, the one you all refused to go with me for, I eloped. So you and the girls now have a new mommy.”  

 

Ichigo could swear he had felt the world tilt, as the words hit him with the grace of an 18-wheeler. “You got married to some complete stranger without telling us?!”

 

“Ruki isn’t a stranger, I told you we’ve been going out for about a year now. I just didn’t tell you kids about it since I didn’t want you to be disappointed if it didn’t pan out. Ruki is a really terrific person that I’m sure you’ll just love.”

 

“B-but you could’ve warned us at least that you going to get to this, this- What kind of name is Ruki anyway?”

 

“Ruki is just a pet name, for Ryuuken.”

 

“Ryuuken? What kind of name is ‘Ryuuken’ for a woman?”

 

“Oh silly boy, Ryuuken isn’t a woman. He’s a man just like you and me. And between you and me he’s a real catch. Really easy on the eyes, if you what I mean, wink, wink, nudge ,nudge.”

 

“You got married to a _guy_!!”

 

“Yep, he’s a widower just like me, as well as a doctor. And when you put everything into perspective there isn’t too big of an age gap, really nothing bigger than there was with your mother. He even has a son who’s your age. Why you two even go to the same school, coincidently.”

 

“Wha- who?”

 

“Uryuu Ishida. Which reminds me, Ruki didn’t want to completely abandon his last name so we decided to have ours combined, so I’m now Isshin Kurosaki-Ishida. But if you don’t feel comfortable with adding the ‘Ishida’ you don’t have to.”

 

If the shock from the last of the news of his father’s re-marriage hadn’t rendered him brain dead, Ichigo was sure he would’ve made himself an orphan by now. But instead he just sat there dumbly wondering why the universe decided to turn against him. It wasn’t until the elder Kurosaki told him that he’d be sharing a room with brand new brother, Ishida, that Ichigo finally snap back to the present. But that was only to promptly faint.

 

xxXXXxx

 

“So how did your boy take the news?” Isshin asks Ryuuken, as he joins the man at the small restaurant table.

 

“Not too differently than your own,” the other man answers, glancing up from the menu. “Just replace the yelling with stupefied gaping. Of course I could tell he wasn’t too thrilled with the idea of living under the same roof as me again. But if the pictures I found stashed under his bed, and bleeding nose that went with his lose of consciousness are any indication, I think he’s secretly happy with the bedding arrangements.”

 

“That’s good to hear,” Isshin says merrily while picking up his own menu. “I was worried that they wouldn’t take to sharing a bed until we can get a new one too well. I guess that just proves how well our boys have grown up.”

 

“Something like that,” Ryuuken mumbles, happy in the knowledge that despite his son’s foolish fancies that at least he still managed to inherit his good taste.


	2. Taking One For The Home Team

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ryuuken tries to save his son from the Isshin-taint.

           He had to stop this before it went too far. Though he honestly thought Uryuu would be too bright to be effected by the older man’s delusions, but it didn’t seem to be the case as his son was trading fashion tips with Isshin with an ease that Ryuuken found rather unsettling. The older Ishida knew there was only one way to get Isshin away from his son for the rest of the night, and even if it meant sacrificing his own sanity it was worth it to keep Uryuu away from the taint of the other man.

 

            Under the guise of getting more snacks for their sons, who were supposed to be studying in Ichigo’s room, Ryuuken drags the other doctor down to the kitchen. He takes a deep breath to help him gather the strength he needed for his resolve then asks Isshin, “Isshin, would you like to go to bed now?”

 

            “To bed?” the dark haired man answers, “But it’s still so early in the night and Uryuu promised to go over the finer finesse of ruffled shirts with me.”

 

            “Yes, but I’d like to retire for the night…with you,” Ryuuken says cementing his fate for the night.

 

            Isshin gasps excitedly then winks and nudges Isshin in the arm with his elbow, “Why Ryuuken, you little horny devil. I didn’t think you had it in you, minx. So let’s hurry up and finish helping the boys with their homework and then we daddies can play.”

 

            “I’m sure, the boys, can take care of the rest themselves.” Ryuuken swallows hard to ready himself then tells the other man, “And I’ll do the costume thing that you’ve been wanting to do if we go to your room now.”

 

            “You mean you’ll be the bunny?” Isshin asks bouncy up and down in his excitement.

 

            Ryuuken nods his head stiffly, reminding himself that this all for his son’s sake, so he can grow to a normal man and not a demented freak like the one he was about to sleep with. And with that in mind he spent his night as the blue bunny, much to Isshin the pink bear’s delight.

 


	3. Love Sewn

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ryuuken is unhappy with Isshin’s latest declaration of love.

Isshin looked confused at the grey-blue suit jacket that had been thrust in his face. The confusion only grew as the white haired man holding the jacket sharply demanded, “Fix it, Kurosaki.”

“Did you rip it on something, Ryuuki-poo?” the larger man asked his often moody lover as he got over his confusion. There was only one reason Ryuuken would ever make such a request and it meant Isshin’s love-love power was finally wearing the man down. There was no other reason that proud, I-am-the-last-Quincy-and-want-nothing-to-do-with-shinigami, Ryuuken Ishida was actually coming to him to do a household chore the man could have done himself. It had to be a sign that the hospital director was finally warming up to the idea of them as a couple, something Ryuuken had been fighting against for years.

But before Isshin could share his joy with his love the white haired man pulled the jacket back to open it up to show the inside lining that had been changed out to new pink lining with an undying message of love embroidered into it and a picture of Isshin carrying Ryuuken bridal-style into a sunset on a beach. “No, I want you to remove this eye pollution that you replaced my jacket’s lining with,” the hospital director snapped with a furious look on his face that Isshin had come to learn meant there was nothing he could to do to get Ryuuken into bed that night. 

Isshin wasn’t down for the count yet though and quickly countered the scowl with his classic puppy dog eyes look, a tactic that even Ichigo and Karen had a hard time beating, as he pouted, “But, Ryuuki-poo, I spent all night secretly sewing that in so you could be surrounded by my love even when you were at work.”

“Kurosaki, I do not _want_ to be surrounded by your love, no matter where I am,” Ryuuken seethed as Isshin did his best impression of what looked to him like a constipated bear, “It is an eye sore and you will remove it without damaging the jacket further, which should not be a problem for someone like you with all the lousy needle work.”

Apparently the white haired doctor was a stronger match than his children were which meant Isshin only had to use his super special technique to win him over. So pushing aside all pride as a man, the dark haired man let the water works begin to flow. There was no way on earth that the stoic doctor could fight off this advance.

Ryuuken was used to grown men that became blubbering babies when it came to little things like needles, but never had he been faced with being the sole cause of making another man cry. It was unsettling to say the least and a bit confusing. He had no idea how to deal with a situation like this. He wouldn’t bother trying to comfort any of his weak willed patients and his father was the one to always comfort his son, Uryuu. Common sense told him that he should stop doing what he was doing to put the end to the tears, but he really didn’t want to waste the time needed to take the lining out. Then again the tears were truly creeping him out, so being petty was not in his favor at the moment.

Taking a big calming breath, Ryuuken patted the larger man on the shoulder, something akin to what he could remember his father doing to him when he had been upset in his youth. He scoured his mind for any words that he was supposed to say and begrudgingly had to go off a few lousy lines from an afternoon drama he over heard the nurses watching during their break time to work into what he wanted to say. “There, there, Kurosaki,” he said awkwardly, wondering if he sounded as much as a fool as he felt. “There’s no need to cry. It’s ok, I didn’t mean to get so angry at you.”

“Do you really mean that Ryuuki-poo?” Isshin answered still trying hard to keep his façade. “Are you really not angry at me and you’ll keep my gift that I worked so hard on?”

“Ah, sure,” Ryuuken lied as he had no intention of keeping the lining in. He would have to remove it himself and tell the other man it got damaged at the dry cleaners later. Right now he just wanted to make the bigger man to stop sobbing like a baby. “Just clean up your face, you look more beastly than usual.”

Isshin did as he was told, mainly to help hide the triumphant smile that was threatening to break out which would ruin his act. “And can I still come over tonight, Ryuuki-poo? I promise I’ll be good,” he asked hoping that Ryuuken was still in a forgiving mood. He had already told Yuzu not to worry about making dinner for him tonight and he did not want to impose on her as she was the only one that still showed respect for him at home.

Still taken aback from the larger man’s emotional outburst, Ryuuken just nodded his head, not wanting to see anymore tears from Isshin. “Fine, but just leave my clothing alone from now on.”

The dark haired man gave the other doctor one of his usual dopey smiles, much to Ryuuken’s relief. Isshin was just grateful he didn’t have to hide his joy anymore as probably wouldn’t have been able to for much longer.

He may not have received the love and affection his gesture was meant to give him but the white haired doctor had never taken any of his wooing nearly this well. He now couldn’t wait to see how Ryuuken would react to the new ties he replaced his old ones with later tonight.

 

 


	4. Cure For The Common Idiot

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ryuuken has to give Isshin his flu shot.

“How the hell can you be afraid of getting shots when you’re a doctor Kurosaki,” Ryuuken scolds the bigger man, who was cowering on the doctor’s table in the examination room.

Isshin pouts and then whines, “But it’s different when you’re on the other side of the needle. The pointy side hurts, Ryuuki-poo.”

Ryuuken holds back his urge to jab the needle into the other man’s arm, for while it would surely make him feel better it was completely against his doctor’s creed. The idiot man before him may have taken away most of his dignity, but he sure as hell wasn’t going to let him take away his pride of being a professional doctor. So instead he takes a deep breath and after he lets it out tries to use his most calming voice to tell Isshin, “You have absolutely nothing to worry about Kurosaki. If you just stay still and allow me to give you your flu shot, I promise it won’t hurt a bit.”

Isshin shakes his head violently and pulls his knees to his chin, “Nah-uh. I don’t wanna.”

“I’ll give you a lollipop,” Ryuuken entices as he pushes his glasses up with his free hand.

“And a balloon?” Isshin asks hopefully. 

The smaller man ignores the twitch in his eye as he answers, trying to sound as pleasant as he can, “Sure, I’ll get you a balloon. But only if you’re good and do as I say, ok?”

“Ok!” the dark haired man shouts loudly. He puts his legs down and obediently puts his arm out for the other man to give him his shot. 

As Ryuuken sanitizes the spot for the needle Isshin begins one of his nonsensical ramblings. The bespectacled doctor for the most part can ignore most of it though he still catches that the bearded man wants a balloon he can make things out of, and much to Ryuuken’s credit only his face blanches when Isshin decides that one of those things will be a facsimile of his peepee.

“Alright it’s done,” Ryuuken informs the bigger man when he’s tossed away the syringe. “And here’s your lollipop.” 

Isshin claps in delight of getting his treat. “This will be perfect for tonight. But we need to get that balloon for the foreplay.”

“You can’t use a balloon for foreplay,” Ryuuken snaps irritably, “And what the hell do you mean by tonight?”

“But the balloon is needed for static shock,” the larger man informs him, “And that’s a secret for tonight, Ryuuki-poo.” Isshin blows the smaller man a kiss then prances out of the examination room. Ryuuken looks on fearfully not wanting to think about the fate that waited for him and the end of the day and wondering if it was too late to flee for his sanity.


	5. Late Night Call

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just another late night call from Isshin, to his beloved. XD

Ryuuken Ishida had just managed to crawl into bed after a long day of work when the phone rang. He didn’t need to guess who it would be this late at night, since there was only one person he knew of that would dare call him at his home phone number at this time at night. Which is why he didn’t feel it was impolite all to answer the phone with, “Whatever it is this time, make it quick Kurosaki.”

“Ah, Ryuuki-poo you know you can call me Isshikins when it’s just the two of us,” the voice on the other side of the line whines childishly.

Ryuuken can feel the vein on his forehead begin to throb almost immediately, but knows from experience that it’s much better to play along with whatever Isshin wants to do rather than fight it. So with a heavy heart he answers, “Look, I’ve had a long day and I need to go in to the hospital early tomorrow. Can you please keep whatever this is short?” Then adds, through gnashing teeth, when he’s greeted with silence, “Isshikins.”

“Don’t worry Ryuuki-poo, this will be even better than sleep,” Isshin giggles, “Now tell me what you’re wearing.”

“Wha- what on earth does that have to do with anything?” he answers confused and wondering if he should have just hung up the phone in the first place and deal with the consequences later.

“Don’t ask questions Ryuuki-poo, just tell me what you’re wearing.”

“Fine,” the white haired man huffs, “I’m in my pajamas.”

“Why Ryuuki-poo, I didn’t know you liked to go commando.”

“I’m wearing underwear too! You perverted Neanderthal!”

“What kind of underwear?”

“Ugh, just normal briefs. Are you done yet?”

“No, I need to tell you what I’m wearing. But you have to ask me first, ok Ryuuki-poo?”

“Oh fine. What are you wearing?”

“…”

“…Isshikins.”

“I’m wearing… Nothing!” Ryuuken can practically hear Isshin’s beaming smile over the phone and almost hangs up right then. But he reminds himself that the other man couldn’t do much over the phone to embarrass him, unlike what he would probably do if he hung up right then and there. Instead he decides to try to rush through this to get the worst over with and asks, “And why are you naked? … Isshikins”

“Because I’m thinking of you and how I’d want you to-“ is all Ryuuken hears before he slams the receiver down into the phone cradle and pulls out the cord, vowing to change his number first thing in the morning.


	6. Like Drowning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ryuuken reflects on his current relationship with Isshin.

He wasn’t sure when he changed tactics in dealing with Isshin Kurosaki, but he was sure it was done to save what little sanity he still held. Which is why now instead of trying to do everything possible to get away from the man, he just went with whatever the exuberant idiot wanted to do with a feeling of great resignation. And while it did well to keep his mind intact he couldn’t help but grieve over the shattered reputation that was sacrificed in its place. As there was no coming back from being caught in his office wearing bunny ears and a nurses outfit while Isshin in a bear suit and doctor’s coat thoroughly groped him.

 

So when he came home one rainy day and was greeted with a big muddy hug, as apparently the other doctor had taken to jumping into puddles on the way over, he just sighed, thankful that most of the mess will be on the rain coat and not the suit underneath. Feeling more like a mother, than the lover Isshin always professed he was, he took the larger man into the bathroom to clean him up, so they could go over to Kurosaki’s house for dinner, as Yuzu had taken up making an extra helping for Ryuuken ever since her father shoved a pink plastic ring he had gotten from a vending machine on the smaller doctor’s wedding finger and proclaimed him the Kurosaki children’s new mother.

 

As he watched the sweet girl’s father play with the rubber duckies in the bath tub, Ryuuken could only wish that she would only take after her mother as she grew up. He didn’t bother to worry about the other two children as they had displayed rather strong coping methods against Isshin’s idiocy. A part of his still functioning brain sometimes wondered why he didn’t just learn from them how to deal with the man, and live his life being able to ignore him as easily as they did.

 

Lost in his thoughts he made the mistake of not paying attention to what Isshin was doing, and ended up with the tip of a plastic duck bill on his lips. He jolted up from his slouched position on the side of the tub, wiping his lips with the back of his hand, as he scolded, “What do you think you’re doing, Isshin? Who knows where you’ve put that thing.”

 

Ryuuken felt an uncomfortable thump in his chest as the other man just smiled back at him and said, “Ah, there’s the Ryuuki-poo I’ve been missing. He really should join us for a bath, doncha think?”

 

“No, I think he’s quite happy right where he is,” Ryuuken answered, as he tried to persuade his mind that his heart was just delusional and had no idea what it was feeling for the psycho in his tub.

 

“Nah, I think he wants to be in here too, but is just too shy to admit it,” was all the warning Isshin gave before he grabbed Ryuuken by the waist and pulled the thin man onto him. “See, he’s much happier in here, isn’t he?” the bigger man teased, looking into the red and sputtering face before him.

 

And as much as Ryuuken wanted to just sock him, there was something in that stupid goofy grin that the man gave him that took away his resolve. So instead he just huffily told him, “You _are_ going to be paying for the dry cleaning this time. And if the floors suffer any water damage that’s also coming out of your pocket book, not mine.” And even though he wasn’t certain if Isshin was even listening to him anymore, Ryuuken let the quick nod of the dark haired head be all the confirmation he needed before the bigger man went ahead and taught him a few new ‘water games’.

 

When the ‘games’ were done and the tub was draining, Ryuuken had to smirk to himself as he watched the water disappear down the drain. As he couldn’t help but think that just like the unlucky swimmer that got stuck in a whirlpool, once you got stuck in Isshin’s pull, there was nothing to you could do about it. Loving the man was just like drowning.

 


End file.
